Relying on faith rather than my own understanding....
That's what I've chosen to write about this week, mainly because that is one of the most gargantuous problems in my life. I'm a nurse. I fix things. Need an IV started? I'm your gal. Having trouble latching a baby to a breast? I can help. High risk delivery? I'll be right there.
So when it comes to finding solutions, I so desperately want to be in charge. Right now, my family is at a standstill of sorts. My husband is at a point in his seminary career that we can now move on. We can move off campus, out of this dinky little apartment into the real world again. He can finish everything online, even.
My husband, by the way, is a genius. No really. He is smart and funny and has had a very successful career as a writer, columnist, and reporter. After Hurricane Katrina, we surrendered to ministry. We sold our house and moved to New Orleans. He gave up a job as the managing editor of a successful newspaper and went to work in the seminary's PR office, making about half the salary he was making at the paper. But we both felt it was what God wanted. We felt sure. We felt peace.
Fast forward 4 years and here we sit. At a standstill. Paul has sent resumes all over the country. Nothing. Nada. Ništa. Or, since we're discussing seminary, δεν.
Not knowing what is happening, or what will happen, is a problem for me. I want a plan. I want to know what God is up to. Frankly, He's been pretty silent about all this. In my believer's head I know that He is at work and He has a plan. I could go on and on with examples of how He has shut doors in our family's past that we later found out was for the absolute best. I know that. I pray for those doors to close. I pray that He will give Paul and I a desire for His plan and His purpose.
This would be where that thing called faith comes in. Thank goodness there are 2 of us in this marriage, or I'd have surely blown it by now. I emailed my husband some jobs that were so far out of the "ministry" realm it was laughable. He just gently reminded me "we don't want to take our eyes off the ball...". Faith.
I love in the second chapter of Daniel how he went and made an appointment with the king before he knew what the king's dream was. He had faith that God would reveal it to him. And then he enlisted his prayer partners and they beseeched God together. Wow. If that ain't a kick in the pants.
I have so much to learn. Like Robin said in her post, "at this point in my Christian life I should be showing more maturity than I do." For a 44 year old woman who has been a Christ-follower for 36 years, my faith should be a whole lot deeper than it is. Humbling, to say the least. Shameful might be more like it.
Daniel showed tremendous faith. So did his buddies Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They joined forces in prayer and God revealed to Daniel mighty and amazing things. Things that not only saved his life (and the lives of his friends), but provided security for him economically and physically. God promises all through His word that He will take care of us and bless us if we will lean on Him. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.
Starting today, I'm going to be more deliberate about a few things. First, I'm going to confess to God (and to you, my friends) my sin of wrestling for control. My life belongs to God. It isn't mine to control, it's His.
And in bold, Daniel-esque faith, I am going to ask you to be my prayer partners. I'm going to ask you to pray that God would reveal His plans to me and my family and that we would be 100% obedient to His call.
Whatever that might be.
Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. Isaiah 28:8