Crossing My Jordan

I hate being late to anything. Ask my family. I call out the time when we're getting ready for church on Sunday or rushing to get ready for school every morning. So imagine how much I hate being late for my week 3 post from my backpacking adventure. I feel like I'm running down the trail yelling "Wait up, guys!" to my other hiking chicas, while lugging my pack on my back and being, well, slightly incredibly out of breath.

Joshua 3 finds the group ready to cross the Jordan, into the Promised Land. Finally! God gives Joshua orders, and the priests carry the ark right to the waters edge. And then they step in.

While the water, at flood stage, is still, well, there. And deep. And wet.

God says that the water stood still when they stepped in.

Can you imagine that first step? I wonder if they looked at each other quizzically? I wonder if one of them finally shrugged his shoulders and said, "Here goes!"

It took a tremendous amount of faith for those priests to step on out. And frankly, all the people following. While walking (or maybe running) across the dry land, I wonder if any of them looked to either side at the water standing high over the priests heads and thought "Dang, Susie, run a little faster!! You know, just in case..."

   /ˈfeɪθfəl/ Show Spelled[feyth-fuhl]
strict or thorough in the performance of duty: a faithful worker.
true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.
steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant: faithful friends.
reliable, trusted, or believed.
adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original; accurate: a faithful account; a faithful copy.
Obsolete . full of faith; believing.

Is God faithful? Abso-freaking-lutely. The Israelites learned that (sadly, it took them a while.) I've learned it (sadly, it's taken me just about as long as them).

So why is it so hard for me to follow Him in some areas of my life?

I'm going to be honest. I have no trouble asking Him for direction in everything. I want to know HIS way, HIS path, HIS plan. In nearly everything.

My Jordan? It's called my checkbook. My bank account. Yes, my finances.

Gulp. *hanging head in shame and disbelief that I'm writing this down*

I know all the verses. I know His promises. I know that He is faithful and will do what He promises. I know it all. I do!

But that's where my humanity kicks in. The selfishness. The worry. The doubt. The "but I am looking at my bank statement and just can't see it" type of flat out disbelief.

I know it pains God to hear me say that. It pains me to write it, to think it, to say it. If I heard my children say that they didn't know if I'd really come through for them, that I'd really take care of them.....ouch! That would break my heart.

So there it is. It is an area I'm working on. I could rationalize and justify all day long, but really, it's just a blatant case of disobedience and not trusting God for everything. Even though He has been 100% faithful to me. Even though He is the great I AM. My Savior. My All In All.

So I'm standing on the banks of my very own Jordan, and I'm working really hard to muster up the courage to step in.

God tells me to just dip my toes in.

With house notes and school payments and baseball registration and a massive utility bill and the kids need new shoes and.....

If I just take my first step, I know in my heart He will be there, holding my hand, making sure I don't drown. Heck, I probably won't even get wet. He's that good.

So why....why is it so hard?


His Girl said...

Ah, I am so glad we didn't lose you on the trail! You offer such honesty, such a great, candid account of your own personal journey- thank you for checking in and for being so transparent about your 'jordan'... may you cross over it in His timing and never look back.

Gretchen said...

It's so hard because simple truth and obedience doesn't usually mean easy.

But you're on the right track. Taking it a step at at time. Abba's holding your hand, and you're stronger than you think.