My desire vs God's desire for me

That's a loaded title, isn't it?

Psalm 37:4 says, ""Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Paul and I have been praying fervently that God would change our desires to match whatever it is He wants us to do. Because frankly, what we want isn't really based on rationalization, it's based on emotion. And we cannot see The Big Picture, whatever that may be.

This obedience thing is a drag sometimes. I'm sure my children think that, too. The way Griffin responds when I tell him to take a shower is a lot like I feel when God tells me to do something that I don't actually *want* to do. (I do not, however, call God a "little jewk" when I am being disobedient. Just to make that clear.)

As I type this, Anne Claire is in the corner of the room, presumably hiding from me as she does something totally ridiculous. She has a pen and is crushing up her chips from lunch. I saw her doing it and told her to stop. She looked truly forlorn, said, "OK, Mama" and then proceeded to crouch down in the corner, where I can still see her, and I can even HEAR the crunch of the chips. What a silly child to think she is getting away with something.

But wait....what a silly child *I* am for thinking that I can get away with my disobedience. My worry (just a nice name for unbelief), my anxiety (cute way of saying "I don't trust you, God"), my ever-trying-to-come-up-with-a-plan (aka "I don't think God HAS a plan")....those are all sins that I am guilty of every.stinking.day. And I am in plain view of the omniscient God, who created me, who knows my heart, and despite telling me over and over to give it to Him, here I am, crouched down in a corner, doing the same repetitive sin over and over....

So I will continue to pray that what *I* want will not get in the way of what God wants for us. I will pray that God will change my desires to reflect His. And I promise that I will be ever aware of my human heart, which tends to stray at the slightest of distraction.