I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. --Psalm 61:2
Why is it that when I'm having a pretty darn good day Satan has to rear his ugly head?
This day started out great. I met with the director of Women's & Children's Services at one of the local hospitals about a job I'm interested in -- it went exceedingly well and I left there feeling very good, very encouraged, and actually excited about some things.
I went to pick up the boys from a homeschool Valentine party and had a great visit with another family -- and learned good news about our church. When I got home, I was in a fantastic mood. Paul and the kids and I went to the cafeteria for lunch (Thursday is red beans & rice day @ the seminary and Mrs. Alice makes the city's finest rb&r, according to many). While there, my day got even better as we ran into some of the staff from our home church, First Baptist Biloxi. It was such a nice and unexpected visit. It really cheered us up and encouraged us! (though it did leave us a little bit homesick).
So what happened? I came home and went outside so the kids could play on the playground. 5 other moms were out there. Within minutes, I felt my spirits sinking. I don't know if it's my own insecurities or the feeling that those who I thought were "friends" turned out to only be "acquaintances". Nonetheless, I came inside and checked one of my "mom boards" that I go to and was absolutely maddened by a thread about the politics of VBAC's. Some of the women on that board send my blood pressure skyrocketing often (Paul cannot for the life of him understand why I continue to invest time there -- he really does have a point!), but I am always drawn back. I make my comments and then edit the post so I don't come across in a way that would offend (because sometimes when I am mad I tend to be offensive - I admit it). Anyway, I was sitting here a minute ago on the verge of tears when I threw my hands in the air and asked God to just "lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
And then my sweet husband's words came back to me...."It is all about Jesus. This other stuff is just that -- stuff." And he is right. He's always right. (Don't tell him I said that!) It is about Jesus. Who my friends are or aren't, who opts to VBAC and why is none of my business! I need to focus on the redeeming grace and mercy of Christ, who loved me so much he didn't spare his life, but gave it up....
And so the rest of the stuff is fading into the background as I realize that Jesus is all that matters. He is all that has ever mattered. It is so not about me. And that is a good thing. A very good thing!
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for once again....I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.