Somewhere along the way I had, in a moment of frustration, decided that I would look for a job for me. In my head, I envisioned taking all the pressure off of Big Daddy and getting a job that would pay enough for us to live until he found the job that was *just right*.
Thanks to a wonderful invention called Simply Hired I was able to get a listing sent to me every day of every lactation consultant job in the country. Knowing we wanted to stay around here, I just skimmed it daily, occasionally dreaming of a cross country move or something exciting like it, but just waiting for the right time and the right job. We have grown to love south Louisiana, though. I don't think we will ever leave. It's just "home" to us!
In April, a job popped up from Lafayette. Lafayette is a sweet town that we'd visited before when Paul was managing editor of The Mississippi Press and the APME held their awards ceremony there. We had eaten some good food and enjoyed the smaller town atmosphere. I mentioned the job to Pablo, who suggested that I send my resume in.
I got an interview and was very impressed with the hospital right away. I interviewed with the Director of Women's Services, along with the Managers of L&D, NICU, and Mother/Baby. It went very well. I was excited about the opportunity but continued to have that whole "What about Newman?" vibe. My boys are in the most incredible school ever. I couldn't take them out of it. Not only that, but I was still dealing with some crappish feelings about the whole lactation thing. I know in my heart that I know what I'm doing, but working with
Could I do any of this?
We prayed and cried and prayed and asked others to pray for us. In the meantime, we kept looking at Pablo-esque jobs, but nothing. Nada. It was beyond frustrating. For both of us. I kept wanting to take the burden off of him. I wanted to give him a break. As a man, he had a very difficult time even hearing that. I'm not a feminist by any means, but I gotta admit, when the chick in the family is capable of handling the job situation for a season, it seems silly to not go for it. But that's just me.
I was offered the job and proceeded to have a week long panic attack. No, I'm being serious. It was not pretty.
But then a few things happened.
First an email from my sweet Robin. I appreciate and heed this woman's advice because she is one of the godliest chicas I know. Perfect she is not. That is another reason I simply adore her. She said of my "what if's":
But seriously, you don't like where you live (housing), school financial situation is stressful, Sissy doesn't have a good peer group in NO, there is the issue of your working difficult hours for your family life, P doesn't have a job he a)loves and b) can advance in, and you are working in a less than ideal situation with some of your coworkers and peers. What about Lafayette could be worse than all that? What if this is God's answer to you all being able to worship together as a family? What if this is the beginning of P finding a ministry position that fits him perfectly?
She also said this:
Remember God doesn't try to trick us into making a bad or wrong decision. He wants the best for you.That Robin. She's got the wize.
Oh, and then she had to throw this little story in:
A cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"That and her the fact that her husband, the ever lovable Timbo, offered to take the blame if it all went belly up.
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a
bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess-- the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
" Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And, when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of beautiful genuine pearls. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
Question- what imitations are we holding onto that stops us from receiving God's genuine treasures?
Thanks, Tim. I may need to call on you in a few weeks.
And then my friend Heather, another pastor's wife who is now working full time while her husband stays home (for now) and is going back to school had this bit of encouragement for me:
Carl had a hard time at first with that emotional nature that he was failing the family. It only took the first week of my working for him to be over-the-top appreciative and happy. Seriously, I love my job so much, so it relieved that guilt for him. And he's so appreciative that I was willing to take on full-time work, when he couldn't find a job, that our marriage is even stronger. KWIM? We were good before. But it's amazingly awesome now. It's been 6 months, and we're really in our groove.So with all that encouragement, we......